3.18.2016

everyday.



old photo from christmas past
One of the things that strikes me most about growing up is the battle that is everyday. As a child, I so believed that when I got in my twenties, I would have made it. I would have my habits set, my character pretty much resolved, and all the struggles a person has in their late teens would have dissolved into a steadfast maturity.

But life doesn't work that way, and I feel I've spent most of my life not satisfying the beliefs I had as a child, but rather disproving them all. There is no magic age, and no magic formula for ending the battles we so want to conquer.

Everyday is a choice. A choice to love that person you so despise, a choice to repent for the mistakes you've made and are bound to fall back into, a choice to place yourself in a socially awkward situation yet again. I keep thinking I'll somehow get over my social awkwardness, anxiety, and overall hermit-y personality.

However, I am rebuffed again and again. I find the comfort of solitude ever-present and even growing at times in my heart. It does get a tiny bit easier to make small talk with age, but realizing where I find comfort makes choosing the uncomfortable situations even harder.

The only respite I have had from these constant struggles is to choose the Lord first (as in, the moment your eyes open in the morning). The days I choose Him first, more things make sense then the days I don't. I'd think by my early twenties that would be engrained in my heart and my mind. But the struggle, the choice -- it's there everyday.

It's a reality that can be beautiful or devastating. Because everyday is turned into a battle or a walk in the park. I've been encountering a quote on Pinterest which has been quite a helpful way to wrap my mind around it:

"The bad news--
Nothing lasts forever.

The good news--
Nothing lasts forever."

-g.o.

Life is a paradox if I ever saw one.

17 comments:

  1. This inspires me so much<3 thank you for posting!!!!

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  2. thats so beautiful <3 thank you for that. I so agree. when I was younger I thought I would have it all figured out. I couldnt have been more wrong. lol. Im almost 20 and I still mistake myself for a kid. haha.

    princessfaithm.blogspot.com

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    1. Haha, growing up is the biggest scam of all time ;)

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  3. I cannot tell you how much this speaks to me now. Thank you (beyond words) for sharing. Honestly. Your soul is a gem.

    All the love xxx

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    1. Acacia, you are the gem. I'm so glad it spoke to you. xo.

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  4. OH MY. This is so refreshingly honest and freeing. To realize that we will never have arrived or reached perfection, yet to continue to strive after it. Thank God for grace, hahaha. I needed to be reminded of these truths, seriously. Thank you xx

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    1. ps you and your blog are both gorgeous

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    2. Olivia, thank you for those kind words! Your words about grace are SO very true.

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  5. I love this. thanks for writing it :) I feel like you and I are similar in many ways - that struggle is oh so familiar to me. haha. hope you're well! missing you and the fam <3

    xx

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    1. Love and miss you, Pam! So lovely to hear from you.

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  6. http://ponderousthoughtsairiefeelings.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-text-tag.html

    I nominated you for the text tag, if you're interested!! <3

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  7. I am so glad to have found your blog, it is all-around beautiful! <3

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  8. THIS. rt Olivia all the freaking way. this post is so honest and just inspiring to me. You're so right on, living every day is a choice and what you decide to do in it, and how you decide to feel about it will ultimately change your life, bit by bit.

    You might not feel like it, but you're sO GROWN UP TO ME LIKE YOU'RE ONE OF MY SOUL BIG SISTERS (if that even makes grammatical sense??) AND YOU'RE ALSO INCREDIBLY WISE AND INSPIRING AND THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU. ♥

    love,
    abbiee

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  9. "....not satisfying the beliefs I had as a child, but rather disproving them all." < this describes being in your twenties. Like...you said it.

    This was a real enourager to me this morning, Kimberly. Thank you for sharing this grace <3

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  10. Just found your blog Kimberly and am already in love with it! This relates to me so much as well, especially as I'm entering college now. Looking forward to reading the rest of your posts x

    Jianine | Oh wander

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  11. I miss you and all the little things that make up the person you are. :*

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