2.19.2012

Pouring out.


Lately, I have been struggling with determining what I am more -- a photographer or a writer? I began this blogging journey as more of a writer. I loved short stories and novels, and began composing a few of my own. I created charaters, mused plots, and entered contests. Idea after idea would creep into my head, and I would sit for hours typing away.

Then last year, I fell in love with photography. It became more then just a hobby, and once I got Perry, it grew into a love. Although I still don't know as much as I'd like, I'm trying to grow into some sort of photographer. I'm just not quite sure what kind yet.

To a certain extent, photography has slowly eclipsed my love for writing. Many of those half-written stories I created long ago have remained untouched for months, and were sadly forgotten. Occaionally, I will scroll through the stories and read a few chapters of one. It's amazing how much better I was at writing two years ago then I am now. I've gotten so rusty.

Then there come the waves of doubt, when I begin to wonder if photography or writing are even things I ought to be pursuing. Neither come very naturally to me, as much as I'd like to think they do. I'm not so talented as many, and hardly a proficient at either.

But I think I'm beginning to realize what the problem is in this all. I can't simply state that, "I am a photographer" or "I am a writer." I can't define myself by those definitions, as much as I would like to. I am not simply a photogrpher. I am not simply a writer.

But I am a daughter of the King, and that is all that matters.


Somtimes I feel like I get so wrapped up in trying to define myself. What sort of person am I? Honestly, there have been times the past few weeks when I had to write a small bio about myself, and I had no idea where to start. Sure, I could type something about writing and photography and crafts. But is that really me?

I'm tired of letting those things define me, because they don't. I am simply a girl, trying to find a purpose in this life. And so far, the only way I have been able to define myself with utter confidence is through Jesus Christ. A sinful person, needing a Savior. A selfish heart, colliding with agape love.

Yes, the Lord has given me a love for writing and a love for photography and a love for crafts. But those things don't define me. I can only pray they will help me to glorify Him.

p.s. my thoughts about this topic are constantly churning. what's your point of view?

25 comments:

  1. This was so beautiful. And it's something I've really been thinking about as I've been hearing about branding lately. Do I really want to brand myself or my photography or my writing? Or can I just let it be what it is - ever changing, never a set personality. I don't know. It's so hard to think about! :)

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  2. amen. amen. and amen. did i mention amen?
    -jocee <3

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  3. It can be hard to define yourself as a person in this upside down world! I feel your pain!

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  4. my view? exactly what you said. not just a photographer, writer, creator, and friend. much more than that. finding who I am, but without a label. well said Kimberly (:

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  5. This is something I think about a lot, especially in relation to blogging. Bloggers get to define themselves. They HAVE to define themselves. Their readers only see what they choose to present, describe, or publish. Labels are the easiest way to describe yourself. But honestly, are they a good idea? When you use labels to define yourself,there's no wiggle-room. They're sort of restraining. They might help you to understand yourself (for a moment). They might help you gain acceptance in a certain group. They might make a nice "about me". But if you get too attached to your labels, you might never change or grow or be who you really are. I think we're all made up of different labels and characteristics, and sometimes they change!It's hard to present every piece of you to your virtual blogger-friends. And it's easy to get too wrapped up in your identity, and forget about your real identity. Lol! Does that sorta make sense?

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Lidja! What you said certainly makes sense to me. It's hard to set a definite brand, especially since our likes and dislikes are always changing. It's better to keep our blogs places of growth for creativity.

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  6. I love your thoughts. I agree that we can't define ourselves with just one characteristic.

    I think it is especially hard for bloggers to define themselves within the little area of the web they call their blog. We tend to only let others see our "good" side: the side that writes really well or just has a knack for photography.

    We don't let others see the way we argue with siblings or our horribly messy room or anything that would portray us as a less-than-perfect person.

    I love this post dear. :)

    xoxo,
    --Abi

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  7. "I can't define myself by those definitions, as much as I would like to. I am not simply a photogrpher. I am not simply a writer.

    But I am a daughter of the King, and that is all that matters. "

    Precisely. Being defined is just a philosophy. Who says we have to know who we are? Why? Who cares?!!! Does that make you less valuable? No.

    You are who He says He is, that you enjoy writing & photographing, sure! Just like you enjoy your mom's cooking. Don't get caught up in the labels and definitions. There's never ever existed one like you, and they never will be after you expire.

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  8. Definition....ahh that is a hard concept....but people can get so wrapped up in it...I know I have....and what if your definition changes, or if you change your definition? Does that mean that you change as well?

    If you are defined as a 'wife' but your husband dies, do you become nothing? Or if your definition is in your works and one day you cannot preform them, do you fade into a vapor and float away?

    I think not. Some definitions are good....I am a girl. I am a creative being. I am a daughter of the King. but what I do, wellllll that is constantly changing....so maybe instead of a 'writer' or a 'photographer' you can be a type of personality.....such as a creative soul....because you know, as you grow older, you will never stop being you...the creative you.....though you may change from photography to pottery....:)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I like that. A creative soul. :)

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  9. i love love love this post, kimberly, and am going to add it to the favourite bar thing. (wait, it's called bookmarks now, isn't it?)

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  10. this was really beautiful!
    i think when we place certain labels on ourselves it comes with a lot of pressure to be a certain somebody.
    then we end up striving and never feeling we've become what we THINK we should be!

    when we realize that we were made in the image of Christ, the labels of the world no longer limit us but we're actually free to be so much more!

    when you're secure in who God created you to be, you'll walk out in your destiny without ever having to box yourself into a certain kind of person ^^

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  11. Thank you so much for this post...I feel like this all the time but haven't really stopped to put it into words. I'm always searching for something to define who I am - trying make my writing good enough for me to be satisfied with who I am. I'm terrified that someone better will come along and I'll have to search for something else...

    Trying to focus more on God, though, and this post helped. :) It's good to know I'm not alone.

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  12. I love this post- I know what your going through, and I agree with your thoughts completely. I've often wondered "Am I a writer, or photographer, or musician or this or that? If I am one, does that mean I am not the other?"

    But the fact is I am none of these, and neither are you. We are not in little neatly wrapped boxes that you can slap a label on. Yes, it would be easier that way, but we live outside the box, in the real world. And we HAVE those little boxes. We HAVE our different joys and talants, and sometimes they change. But God never changes, and your right- Our true identity lies in Him, and Him alone.

    So my point of view? Keep seeking Him, and enjoy ALL the things He has given you. Because I really like your blog- the writings, photography, crafts, outfits, all of it- your very talented! :)
    If any of those ramblings made any sense...

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  13. When I started out reading this post I felt like it was I writing it instead you. I took photography as a minor in college but I never thought I'd pursue it as a career. I never studying writing but I had always dreamt of being a writer. A novelist.. I wrote my first novel at 14, as Sweet Valley as it was. I wrote 1/4 of two others but I just couldn't finish them. I would read others books and kept thinking I can't do that.. my stories lack that etc.. nevertheless I tried to continue writing and submitting..

    I continued taking photographs on the side.. but I found my self more passionate about photography, it took over my life to the extent that I no longer had time for writing.. and honestly I no longer missed it. I have been solely photographing for 3 years now.. and I can say when asked that I am a photographer..

    It is different for all.. sometimes you will pick one over the other.. sometimes you will do a bit of both.. you must go with you gut.. do what feels right to you and who said you couldn't do both?

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  14. I can certainly relate- it's hard to figure out who are you are and what defines you... I had to come to my own conclusion at one point because I didn't want to pretend or be something I quite wasn't.

    I'm not good at photography either- and like you, I've got a million stories waiting to be published, although I'm not a great writer. But I love doing both and it doesn't really matter to me if I am or am not good at it, because all that matters is that they are things I love. So long as I love them, they define me. They are the things that inspire and motivate me... even if I shan't ever a wonderfully celebrated at it.

    That's just my thoughts ;-)
    Gabby

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  15. You are Kimberly, Gertie, lover of the one true God, daughter of the King.

    You are the perfect one. The creative one. The one who is amazing without ever trying. My dear friend.

    I am Ke`alohi, Becki, the weird one, and one of many who loves you. Your friend.

    That is enough for now.

    Love,
    me

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    1. Oh my, you know, you're just far too sugary. Seriously. Okay time to retaliate.

      You're Ke'alohi, Becki. The ingenious one. The chill one. The one who people love because you're friendly and hilarious and accepting. The one I can act weird with.

      I am Kimberly, Gertie. The awkward one, and one of many who loves you. Hopefully your friend forever.

      More coming (in a letter) soon.

      Hugs,
      Me

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  16. God is a complex Being. We are created in His image, so hence we are also complex beings. I believe that once man fell we have a scewed view of ourselves and others. Adam and Eve saw that they were "naked" [more then just physical]. Thru the ages we have tried to 'cover' ourselves by what we say, what we do, who we imitate, ect. I believe as it says in 1 Corinthians 13:12* that we will have a clear view of ourselves and others in Heaven. And until then we have to lean on the Lord and He will straighten our world view.

    "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

    Thank's for the thought provoking post!

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    1. I really like your thoughts on this! I agree, everyone is trying to "cover" and define themselves by certain things one way or another. Thankfully, though, the Lord teaches us about Himself, so that we can stop living so much in the flesh and more in the Spirit. :)

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  17. i don't think we Christians should be defined. we're supposed to be like Christ, who, is obviously undefinable. so why should we be definable? i think comparison leads us down this path of 'defining ourselves', when really, we've already been defined by Jesus. we see other girls that have talents similar to ours who put themselves in boxes of 'photographer' and 'writer', and suddenly, we need feel like we need to be put in a box, too.

    i guess what i'm trying to say is that we shouldn't limit our potential by sticking ourselves in boxes. He defines us without ever sticking us in a box. we're His peculiar treasures- His kids. He's made us all with so much to offer- why underestimate ours (and His) abilities by placing ourselves in these boxes?

    "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." -Romans 12:2

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  18. *we feel like we need.
    oh, me n' typos.

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  19. This post is so true, and I loved reading it. I kept saying, YES, she's so right. Thank you for writing this. I thank God for you.

    Much love,
    Emily

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  20. Amen!!!! Ahhh, I was just going through this phase... thank God it lasted for about a day then I got over it when the Spirit convicted me: "Understanding who you are from His perspective is the strongest foundation for your life."

    Another thing i'd love to share is: from the Significant Woman (Campus Crusade)
    "We cannot fully rely on ourselves or the eyes of others to tell us our worth. Why? Because these mirrors are shattered....If we rely on others to build our worth, we won't feel that we belong....We then try to adjust who we are on the basis of what others see and reflect back to us - but this input may even be shattered by their own sin. "

    It's always refreshing to see a sister in Christ blogger! :)))

    Please come check my blog! www.gingerrrtea.blogspot.com

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  21. this post spoke to me.
    thanks for sharing.

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