No More Lists

Little kids are just amazing, aren't they? I am talking about kids around the age of six and seven; yesterday as I walked with two girls around that age outdoors, they were skipping, hopping like bunny rabbits, giggling incessantly, and a smile seemed to be the only facial expression they knew of, besides the inquisitive deer-eyed look every now and then. They breathed playfulness and cheer into my life; they made me laugh by being silly, being joyful, finding a carefree perspective in life, and just wanting to dance in the moment.

Being carefree has not been a dominant feeling in my life lately. There is not a minute in the day when I am not thinking, "This is such a waste of time, I should be doing that instead" or "There's no way I am going to get all this done." My life has turned into a tornado.

People from the outside looking it would probably laugh at that remark. My life appears calm, quiet, and rather hermit-like; but my mind. It plays tricks on me. Makes me feel like I have a zillion things to do today, makes me want to write thousands of to-do lists, and then play tricks on me when I loose them and just feel like I am forgetting something.

It is rather comical when I think about it, but it does not feel comical when I am enduring it. The feeling of worry. Of fear.

Where did peace go? Sweet peace and rest?

Time goes far too fast now-days. Maybe it's will school starting, and realizing there is no possible way I can keep up with all my summer activities and schoolwork at the same time. Somethings got to give.

Already, my productivity has slackened tremendously concerning creative things I would love to do. It is so painful to not be able to pick up craft projects which are only half-way done. To stare an unfinished works scattered around the room and ache to finish them, but not have time to.

This may just be me, but productivity is a big deal to me. My mind constantly is computing my productivity in a day. I check things off lists, calculate what I think I ought to have accomplished and am only satisfied if I have meet the level I "should" have.

The days of bumming around all day are gone; and sadly, I realize in summer they never existed either. I had lists, goals, things which needed to be done in order for me to feel productive. To feel happy with myself and the day I had lived in.

There are certain things which ought to be done in one day; but when worry about them takes over, days are ruined. Time feels like it's slipping through my fingers. I would love to re-live the feeling of the days when I would run free like a child; not think about whether I had been "productive" today. Whether I had met the bar. Been successful.

But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”
Luke 18: 16-17

In life it's good to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and pray. Not makes lists.

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Bronte Inspires Me

This is how we spend our Sunday afternoons. Stretched out on couches, relaxing and resting after a long week's work of school and all the other activities which loom around the corners of each day.

However, this Sunday I did not have as much resting time as my brother Michael. Instead I was busily scribbling away at homework assignments and school exercises. How burdensome school feels during the weekend, when I would much rather be sewing, blogging, or out and about the island.

Despite that, my evenings the past few night have been very pleasant. With reading. With the comfort of a book in my lap and pages filled with words before my eyes.

Reading is something I fell in love with around the age of twelve or so; honestly, I cannot exactly recall when it occurred. Still, I remember the feeling I experienced when I fell in love with books. I ransacked our bookshelves for Dickens, Bronte, and Austen; however, finding many of their books absent from our storehouse of novels, I betook myself to bookstores or online recesses to possess them and eat up their pages.



There is a wealth of feeling in a Dickens book, alongside the comedic and lightheartedness, there are dark corners of despair and heartache. In Austen, I find joy in family life and friendships, all wrapped in starched up social customs and the irony and comedy found in life. In Bronte, I find everything: desperation, happiness, loneliness, morality, love, anguish, and an unbearably riveting plot.

If I could ever mimic someones writing style, I would love to be like Charlotte Bronte. Her story Jane Eyre is my favorite novel, and I feel a deepness to her words and a sorrow-filled purpose to her character's personality's. The storyline to her novels is ever gripping and ever-so touching. Her characters are generally melancholy and multifarious -- seeking love and fulfillment in life, but facing constant challenges and feeling a lack in their abilities.

Bronte's language comes alive on a page. There is her share of fancy words, of quotes and analogy's, but the simplicity of her sentences is usually what gets me. How she can draw up emotions of heartache in a reader through the weaving together of fictitious words and the development of fictitious characters on a page gets me.

Makes me want to attempt the art she mastered so well. I do attempt it. I strive for it.

Fashion Is Back

It's been a long while since I did a fashion post; the main reason for their absence is because of the absence of another -- my brother and photographer-mate Nathan. However, since I recently inherited a new pair of wedges, my time of procrastination was up. It was time to do a post whether the photos turned our or not.

shirt: wal-mart / sleeveless cardi: jeans warehouse / necklace: malaysia / headband : handmade

So yesterday I threw a whack at it, but only afterwards I realized how pathetic my outfit was. So I was very dissatisfied with it and am only posting the above picture. The headband and wedges (not seen) were the only interesting articles and the overall feel of the shoot was lousy (I also later realized I was not wearing any makeup. Not a drop). I think it's good to go without all that powder and mascara  sometimes, though, so there you have it.

dress: marks & spencers / shoes: camel active / necklace: unknown / belt: tuscano

Today I attempted another shoot (indoors), and it turned out alright. Mr. Tripod helped me out a great deal (I am afraid Mr. Tripod will be helping me out a lot now-a-days). Now, about the new wedges and how they suddenly became my own...

What happened was, my mom bought these dreamy wedges in Malaysia. However, upon bringing them back home and using them, they proved too small. After several efforts at trying to make them fit, she has finally abandoned hope and given them to me; and they fit almost perfectly. Surprisingly, I never realized how much I liked them until I inherited them. Happy day.

J'adore (a huge giveaway)

This is seriously one of the loveliest giveaways I have ever seen, and it's being held over at Yours Truly. Be sure to check out the beautiful prizes; they are all stunning.

All in a Week's Work

This week has been quite the adventure. Big brother's gone. School started. Got sick. None of those things are very positive, so this week would have to be a negative. Still, I haven't found myself too upset by any of those circumstances; maybe becoming a senior in high school truly has matured me.

Okay, that's laughable. I think it's probably because none of those things are half as bad as they sound. My brother is doing fine in college; I'm not totally appalled by school; and my cold is getting a wee bit better.

I can't help feeling God is good. Through all the trials that came this week: He is so, inconceivably good. It takes my breath away.

When I ponder it, no true joy I have had ever comes from the outward circumstances in life. It's not getting new things, traveling, or accomplishing something that brings me true, lasting joy. Those things fade away -- even if in the moment they make me happy.

Only the love of Jesus Christ has ever given me joy which I can always feel bubble up inside me. It never fades. It never fails.

Besides, this week did have it's quirks. Friends' birthdays meant wrapping up presents from those special people in my life who give me some of the best memories I possess. There's a special charm that comes with tape, scissors, ribbon, and pretty paper.

Then, even though I was sick, I made myself one of the most delicious orange smoothies I ever tasted. Getting that vitamin C in is very important! I must have drank three overflowing glasses of that delectable mixture.

Oh, and lastly, but certainly not least, I created my very own 365 blog. Woop, woop. If you like those sort of picture blogs, you may like my new blog capricious.
If you aren't familiar with project 365, it's a self-disciplinary exercise where a person takes a picture everyday for a year. It is rather unusual to start a 365 blog in the middle-end of the year, but I couldn't help myself. For a while, I have been brooding over starting one, and suddenly this week I did. So you can see why the title capricious is the perfect name.

Hope you all had a lovely week, finding joy in Jesus, if nothing else.

Kelsey's Giveaway

Entering giveaways is just too much fun; the most recent one I've entered is over at The Flip-Flop Farmgirl. Check it out if you want to win some cute stuff!

Thought I should note this picture was taken a few years ago using my old, junky Canon. I still like this photo, though; with all it's faults, that camera sometimes came through.

An Apostrophe to Summer

Dear Summer,

It's been two days since we last parted, and I miss you so much. My days are now filled with textbooks, homeschool video teachers, assignments, and memorization. The things I love to do have been figuratively tucked into a box which is now taped shut and stored away in the closet.

Even someone in my family has departed since you left; the Fall semester bereaved me of my older brother who flew away to university classes filled with smart engineers. He's missed all over again, just like last year.

You were so good to me, Summer. You gave me days overflowing with family and friends. Adventurers were a continuous event, and you placed the loveliest haunts in my way. Camping by the beach, traveling to another country, seeing fireflies and monkeys for the first time ever, vacation Bible school, and so much more. You allowed me to stretch my creative abilities when I discovered sewing and fell in love with blogging.

Sadly, all of those delightful, invigorating activities have come to a shrieking halt. It's painfully difficult to sacrifice all of those pursuits in order to pass my pre-calculus, physics, and speech classes (to name a few). I know it's necessary, but I wish that you, Summer, lasted just a wee bit longer then a few short months which only felt like weeks.

You've blessed me so much, Summer. Even though it's only been a few days, oh how I miss you.

Happiness in Cloth

Since my last post about sewing, I am proud to say I have vigorously continued down that new-found trail. The condition of my house also attests to that fact, seeing that threads litter the floor, pins and needles are scattered on the tables, and our sewing machine is now never put away. It has, for the first time ever, earned a permanent spot on a table in the house.

Something happy took place yesterday; I shopped for some delicious sewing supplies which included a bag full of fresh cloth, a spool of thread, white felt, and more. The new cloth I got made me very, very happy.

Of course, there wan an object in sight while buying all of those materials. It was a tote bag with yo yos sewn on which were to fade from creme to sky blue to lake water. I am very proud of this newly-created tote bag; the design was completely original and it was all handmade. Double yay.
Blue has not been one of my favorite colors the past few years, but it has slowly grown on me as of late. I love the calm blues which are peaceful and serene. They remind of a still morning oceans, lovely afternoon skies, and fresh scents. Mmm.

After a bit of exploring outside, I managed to snap a few shots of my surroundings. It amazes me how I can always find a different picture to take in the exact same area outside my apartment. New flowers are constantly blooming, ugly vases under the stairs suddenly become treasure, and chipped paint is morphed into a masterpiece. The simple things are beautiful, especially when discovered after being overlooked for so long.

With These Lips

As of late, I have been contemplating the words I speak. Not just the harsh ones, but the sweet ones. The ones which encourage, and the ones which tear apart. Most of the things I say are boring reiterations of past thoughts which I linger on, things which I experience during the present, or hopes which I aspire to fulfil in the future.

The harshest words I say probably arise from present situations. When some one hurts me, annoys me, or is simply unreasonable, my words are usually in the same unforgiving tone towards that person. Harsh words are spewed, things are said which aren't truly meant. I don't really want to be the person who says those things, but I become that person in those few moments, and often surprise myself at the cruelty I am capable of.

However, with those same lips I am able to say loving things, to nurture, and to praise. How hypocritical are my lips and, in the end, is my heart. It is tossed to and fro by emotions which are selfish; emotions which ought to be selfless because of the new mind I have in Jesus Christ.

I am very imperfect; my emotions -- my heart often blinds me.

Still, that doesn't mean I cannot strive to become the person I ought to be in Christ. I can strive; and He can teach; and with Him, I can have joy and peace abundantly.

		

"Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things.

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but be zealous for the fear of the LORD all the day;

For surely there is a hereafter and your hope will not be cut off. "

Proverbs 23:16-18

The Milk Toofs

  {via}

This is one of the cutest blogs ever! I heart those cute wittle toofies.

As of now, my favorite post is of them playing monopoly. They are just too adorable, not to mention hilarious. I love the photography, as well. It even made my brothers laugh (hysterically) so that's saying alot (possibly about our weird sense of humor?).

Well, I hope it tickles your funny bone. It really made my day.

Carlotta's Giveaway

Hey, hey, Carlotta's doing a giveaway, though I am sure you have already heard. There are awesome prizes from Emily and Olivia.

So check it out if you are interested in winning some extra-special goodies!

Needles, Thread, Fabric = Happiness

Yesterday I was bitten by a sewing bug. Maybe I was overly-inspired by blogs, photos, and etsy shops; whatever the cause, I ended up sewing all the day long. Now, you must understand, I almost never sew unless I must or -- like yesterday -- something kindles within me a ridiculous impulse to.

Sometimes these impulses wear off, like when I begin an exercise regiment or try to wake up early (ahem), but this particular time I deeply hope the passion I have for sewing doesn't wear off. Yesterday I discovered a new love, like finding a hidden trail in the underbrush of a forest; and as I begin my first steps through, the journey has been invigorating. I can only hold my breath and hope that the rest of the pathway feels this way.

Yesterday sewing began with learning to make these darling things called yo yos. It first started with large ones for headbands; it ended with yo yos the size of a quarter which I made into a bracelet. It took seven little pieces of fabric sewn together to make this treasured bracelet which I already hold very dear, though it has only been my friend for about twenty four hours.

The day continued with making a hand-sewn, hand-designed tote bag which I very obviously adorned with a two yo yos directly in the center. It was much harder to make then I first presumed, but after much deliberating and the help of a very obliging mother, the bag was brought to completion in a few hours. To say the least, it is in my estimation the most special bag I now own.

There are so many projects I now desire to create, and I am grateful to have etsy always by my side inspiring me (I mean, isn't that site just amazing?).

No matter how many times I prick my finger, un-pick mistakes, and must fix our malfunctioning sewing machine (though most of the time I am actually the malfunctioning one), I shall persevere. I never believed sewing was my niche, but it just probably wasn't the right time for me to become engrossed in it. Now it seems I have rediscovered a hidden pathway; am I am very glad to have found this nook.

So far, it's been a splendid time.

May you all be enjoying any newly discovered delights. Could sewing possibly be one of them?

Summer Mania

All of last week and now the beginning of this one I have been indoors flitting about my home as I chase every bit of whimsy which pops into my over-excited mind. Summer is nearing the finish line, but my heart refuses to confine itself back to the mandatory duties of education. It would much rather design a few necklaces, bake some ginger cookies, fill canvases with paint, re-decorate, and blog for the next five months straight.

Seeing that unrealistic fantasy of mine quickly vanish as I descend into reality is painful, but at least I know that for two more weeks I may try to fill each day with crafty activities is at least a drop of balm on my wounded heart.

To state just a few of my crafty endeavors the past week or so, I drew pendant designs on shrink-a-doo with Nathan (he's such a kind, condescending older brother) and then baked them (after the ginger cookies) to make them small, lovely pendants. It's like watching a miracle as the large plastic bits suddenly shrink into thick, opaque pieces of solid plastic which exactly resemble the larger pieces they once were.

I was inspired by Something Monumental to make that small camera pendant. Her shop is adorable.

Last week I spray painted my headboard white. It took three cans of spray paint to reach it's perfect state of whiteness, but I am extremely pleased with the result. Before it's renovation, my room had far too many contrasting shades in every corner. Therefore, I am trying to neutralize some of those features by changing them to white or black.

Besides spray painting my headboard, I have been experimenting with brushes and canvas. My talent in this area is rather limited, but I try. Since last summer, experimenting with canvas has been one of my favorite things to do (though I do get very frustrated with myself at times). Still, most of the time it's calming to sit on my porch with my mom's easel and gently stroke paint onto canvas with the hope that when it's finished a small masterpiece will emerge.

I don't believe I have ever been so in love with summer as I am this year; it is now very evident why people would name their children after this opportune season -- because summer is amazing and inspiring.

Above is a necklace I made from bits and pieces I found while re-decorating. One side of the chain is gold and the other is silver -- a small retro-jewelry tip for you.

I know I haven't mentioned this recently, but I certainly have noticed that I hit 50 followers! Woot-woot! To all you readers out there, thank you; you all inspire me everyday.

And about school starting. I can at least dream that school is far away. What are imaginations for, if not to help us break away from reality for a minute or two?