old photo from christmas past
One of the things that strikes me most about growing up is the battle that is everyday. As a child, I so believed that when I got in my twenties, I would have made it. I would have my habits set, my character pretty much resolved, and all the struggles a person has in their late teens would have dissolved into a steadfast maturity.

But life doesn't work that way, and I feel I've spent most of my life not satisfying the beliefs I had as a child, but rather disproving them all. There is no magic age, and no magic formula for ending the battles we so want to conquer.

Everyday is a choice. A choice to love that person you so despise, a choice to repent for the mistakes you've made and are bound to fall back into, a choice to place yourself in a socially awkward situation yet again. I keep thinking I'll somehow get over my social awkwardness, anxiety, and overall hermit-y personality.

However, I am rebuffed again and again. I find the comfort of solitude ever-present and even growing at times in my heart. It does get a tiny bit easier to make small talk with age, but realizing where I find comfort makes choosing the uncomfortable situations even harder.

The only respite I have had from these constant struggles is to choose the Lord first (as in, the moment your eyes open in the morning). The days I choose Him first, more things make sense then the days I don't. I'd think by my early twenties that would be engrained in my heart and my mind. But the struggle, the choice -- it's there everyday.

It's a reality that can be beautiful or devastating. Because everyday is turned into a battle or a walk in the park. I've been encountering a quote on Pinterest which has been quite a helpful way to wrap my mind around it:

"The bad news--
Nothing lasts forever.

The good news--
Nothing lasts forever."


Life is a paradox if I ever saw one.


a doodle-doodly-do.

You know that feeling when you haven't talked to someone in a long while, and there's just so much to catch up on that it's almost easier to not catch up at all? That's what this blog sometimes feel like. There's so much I want to tell you, and I find myself having to condense the memories, brush away the details, and summarize a story until it's meaning becomes futile.

The past few days have been polka dotted with beautiful memories over spring break. Today I even had a moment to doodle a bit and create something I rather enjoyed.

I'll be working away the next few days on reading all the new books I got, hanging all the new art, organizing all the new clothes, editing all the new pictures, screen printing all the new ideas.

Life is rather brimming with beauty. These are the moments I want to remember. No matter how futile the summary be.

ps. a scandalous thought, but wouldn't that drawing just be a lovely little tattoo discreetly tucked away by an elbow or wrist? I'll maybe turn it into a screen print or two. 


Pretty much.


 My life summed up in a few grainy photos taken by my sub par phone, essentially. Got to visit a new museum this past week, got to hang out with some chill people, got to smother myself in homework, and even got to try some new beer. Here's to another day filled with Adobe software, bad sketches, and color swatches. 

I love my major. (this can be interpreted as sarcasm or honesty, take your pick)


Jackson Pollock: Blind Spots

]IMG_1922 copy
IMG_1906 copy

This semester is up and running, but I find myself able to breathe between the intervals of class and homework far more easily than I was able to last semester. This definitely has something to do with pressure being off (I made it into the program, say what) and gaining more perspective about where I want to take my art.

So I'm making a deal with myself to enjoy this semester, take good breaks, and keep learning, even outside of the classroom. For my art history class, we have to travel to museums around the area every few weeks to truly see and enjoy art. It's been such a great experience so far. Here's to more.